A Sad Look Back

lookback
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Looking Back, 2014 was not a very good Year for Us. Not-so-good things happened that may have made me Question things. Though I feel like I have fostered better Relationships to my Family, extended family, to God and even to myself, I felt I ran out of luck and had to start anew on so many aspects and on so many levels. Or maybe, so I thought.

I started the year being Sick. I lost 20 lbs. due to measles and was on bedrest for about two weeks. In a long time, it was only this year that I felt too sick to function and had to totally rely on my wife and on myself to be better.

I left my job of 8 years to try my luck on a Different Career. Experienced rejections applying to Jobs here and there when for five years, I would do the rejection and the accepting myself. Realized that I didn’t have it all, that companies would not brave storms to have me as part of their organization, that I am not that good on so many fields. Career was on an upside down that I questioned my skills and competencies; if I would in fact be able to start a New one, and prove that I still have what it takes to advance and redo the Victorious cycle that I had with my previous employer. 2014 was all I needed to Know that I’m not super. That I am as thriving to survive career-wise as anyone else.

With that comes the realization that I, we, are not economically ready to make big decisions in Our lives. That sometimes following your heart doesn’t mean making the right decisions. I don’t have any regrets, Honestly, because I would not have that feeling of freedom and control right now had I succumbed to my doubts. Just maybe, if I took the right timing, things would have been a little more seamless. Sometimes, one just has to go thru that to realize his mistakes and sadly that has been our case.

So now, we have to Accept that the next months, even the next years, are not going to be the same as the previous. That we have to have a case of good resource Management. That we need to put value in everything that we spend. And that we have to see the benefits of saving.

It was also this year that I discerned that my folks are not anymore as young and as healthy as they used to be. For the longest time, I have viewed my mom as a superwoman – never gets tired, never gets old. Since Time immemorial,¬†she has been the only person who financially supports us and makes the most major decisions in our family. I have always thought she’s clothed in an armor – strong, invincible, dependable.

She’s not.

And now, I have to accept that things are not always going to be like that. That as much as I grow, mature and make myself of a man, she too, gets old, Weak, vulnerable to sickness and would eventually need to rest. Story of all of us. The inevitable end to all of our struggle.

She got sick this year and now has to have maintenance for high blood pressure – that I need to be in the process of accepting. My mom, who has been strong for me, needs me now to be strong for her. She needs my support more than ever. I have to be with her in every step of the way. Things are starting to be on the opposite side and moving forward, and I have to be ready.

I just want this year to be over and see things at their Zenith in 2015. I am hopeful. I am yearning to be more Positive. I have to start having an X-ray vision of the future to prepare in the present. 2014 may not have been good. But I will make sure 2015 will be far better.