A Sad Look Back

lookback
via Google Images

Looking Back, 2014 was not a very good Year for Us. Not-so-good things happened that may have made me Question things. Though I feel like I have fostered better Relationships to my Family, extended family, to God and even to myself, I felt I ran out of luck and had to start anew on so many aspects and on so many levels. Or maybe, so I thought.

I started the year being Sick. I lost 20 lbs. due to measles and was on bedrest for about two weeks. In a long time, it was only this year that I felt too sick to function and had to totally rely on my wife and on myself to be better.

I left my job of 8 years to try my luck on a Different Career. Experienced rejections applying to Jobs here and there when for five years, I would do the rejection and the accepting myself. Realized that I didn’t have it all, that companies would not brave storms to have me as part of their organization, that I am not that good on so many fields. Career was on an upside down that I questioned my skills and competencies; if I would in fact be able to start a New one, and prove that I still have what it takes to advance and redo the Victorious cycle that I had with my previous employer. 2014 was all I needed to Know that I’m not super. That I am as thriving to survive career-wise as anyone else.

With that comes the realization that I, we, are not economically ready to make big decisions in Our lives. That sometimes following your heart doesn’t mean making the right decisions. I don’t have any regrets, Honestly, because I would not have that feeling of freedom and control right now had I succumbed to my doubts. Just maybe, if I took the right timing, things would have been a little more seamless. Sometimes, one just has to go thru that to realize his mistakes and sadly that has been our case.

So now, we have to Accept that the next months, even the next years, are not going to be the same as the previous. That we have to have a case of good resource Management. That we need to put value in everything that we spend. And that we have to see the benefits of saving.

It was also this year that I discerned that my folks are not anymore as young and as healthy as they used to be. For the longest time, I have viewed my mom as a superwoman – never gets tired, never gets old. Since Time immemorial, she has been the only person who financially supports us and makes the most major decisions in our family. I have always thought she’s clothed in an armor – strong, invincible, dependable.

She’s not.

And now, I have to accept that things are not always going to be like that. That as much as I grow, mature and make myself of a man, she too, gets old, Weak, vulnerable to sickness and would eventually need to rest. Story of all of us. The inevitable end to all of our struggle.

She got sick this year and now has to have maintenance for high blood pressure – that I need to be in the process of accepting. My mom, who has been strong for me, needs me now to be strong for her. She needs my support more than ever. I have to be with her in every step of the way. Things are starting to be on the opposite side and moving forward, and I have to be ready.

I just want this year to be over and see things at their Zenith in 2015. I am hopeful. I am yearning to be more Positive. I have to start having an X-ray vision of the future to prepare in the present. 2014 may not have been good. But I will make sure 2015 will be far better.

Southern Living

I love the south. I love that its not too hustle and bustle but highly urbanized too. I like that I don’t have to get my brain dizzy with a lot of people crossing the streets but it’s active enough to have a bit of a social life too.

I love that I get to live near SM Southmall – where the good and yummy Food Street is located. The place is just about 10 minutes from where our rented place is. Just ride one tricycle and you’re there in a jiffy. It’s filled with the best local food joints around. Yabu where they serve the best katsu in the metropolis and Sambokojin – where you’ll get your fill of Japanese cuisines – all you can! They also cater to the steak-monsters of us via Racks and you get to savor the mouth-watering ensayamadas and cheese rolls of Cafe Mary Grace.

foodstreet

Town is also one of those malls you go to and want to be in for like days. It’s very homey and its got pretty much everything that you would want for a good day of eats, books, apparels and more. As a family, we most often spend our weekends in Fully Booked. We would go there after filling our stomachs with the healthiest fruits shakes around – Jamba Juice! If you’re someone who’s after high end clothing stores and the likes, you’d never get disappointed too. In terms of food, Krazy Garlic, Chili’s, PF Chang’s are the usual favorites. Even its humble foodcourt is something you don’t want to miss – especially the offerings from Binalot, President’s Express, Razon’s, etc.

atc

And of course, there’s BF Homes. We used to go there for the bargain place called Ruins, but lately we haven’t visited as much as before. Even so, I think the place is a must-go-to. They have a number of good restaurants around and specialty stores. Hopefully, we’ll be there in a month’s time because the resident mall in there, The Pergola Mall, holds a yearly halloween costume party and I can’t wait for our Isabelle to join the fun! 🙂

pergola

These are only some of the reasons why as a family, we enjoy living in southern Metro Manila. Add to that I think is the fact that the environment is a little less polluted than the rest. In here, we get to see greens. And as a result during monsoon periods, the place is not as flooded as everywhere. I pray eventually we get to own a piece of land here. Because I plan on seeing my kids thrive in the south – where it’s greener, funner and safer.

Daily Prompt: Ready, Set, Done

Our weekly free-write is back: take ten minutes — no pauses! — to write about anything, unfiltered and unedited. You can then publish the post as-is, or edit a bit first — your call.

So how am I liking my new job?

I like it that there’s something new to learn everyday. I like it that it helps me to be spontaneous. Unlike my previous one, we are not guided by script verbatim rules and canned responses. We freely can express our thoughts to our respondents and clients, but of course, to never compromise professionalism.

I like that my days are not as robotic as before, that I have the freedom to play with my time and manage my resources. I like it that we are not haunted by action-suppressing house rules and disciplinary action guidelines. That we are trusted to perform as professionals, and nothing less.

But why does it feel like I can’t pour my all of me into it?

I’m not sure.

My boss showers me with confidence, trusts me beyond measure. She says I’m setting a standard, and kind of like setting the bar a little too high.

It feels great and all, trust me – to have someone believe in you so much. But the pressure – the thought that I cannot make mistakes. That I have to be always on top of my game. That I have to keep pushing on – this takes a bit of humanity off of it all.

I am new. I am barely on my fourth week. I should be allowed a little room for error. I should be like any newbie – make hundreds of mistakes and commit tens of small victories. That’s normalcy. Customary.

Grant me this ordinariness. Entitle me to grow and flow in my own sweet time.