Here’s to Us!

Dear Mom,

Again, I wish you a happy birthday! 57 huh – wow you are rally getting to your 60s. I promise when you’re officially a senior citizen, I’ll make an effort to bring you to Ayala Cinema’s free (or discounted?) movie treats to the elderly. That’ll take your mind off of things for a bit, loosen up and just enjoy.

I think that’s the reason why sometimes we have our awkward silence and uncomforting moments. Let’s admit it, you’re kinda uptight haha! I like that version of you who watches Brothers and Sisters or that one who raves about the recent Koreanovela she’s into. I would want you to be open minded, more expressive of your feelings. Do you know that even your apo finds your too-serious approach a little intimidating? Come on, I’m your son, she’s your apo, you sure can be a li’l more loving, I guess. More demonstrative.

I’m never going to be the perfect son. I’ve failed you over and over again, that sometimes I even have this feeling that you don’t believe in me anymore. Though I know it ain’t right coz I know you’re still proud of me, but I still can’t get that thought out of my head that I’m not someone you’d hope for as a son. I have made a number of seriously, significantly bad decisions that might’ve put our relationship to test, but hey, I have a beautiful family; though not necessarily financially stable, we are okay; and we’re still intact. I think more than anything that’s something that we should celebrate everyday. Not alot of relationships last these days. And I think we know that all too well, don’t we ‘ma?

I guess this letter serves as a reminder of me forever being thankful for all your efforts, for all you’ve done, to make me what I am now. I’ve always said, we don’t have the best mom and son relationship. I can only wish that I spent MORE time with you. There were reasons, there were necessities, there were things that prevented us to be like what we want us to be and I understood every part of it. I look forward to that day that I would be with you everyday, not thinking of anything that would make me say, “hey you only have five, three, one day/s to go before you go back to work” because that feeling truthfully sucks. And at this age, I don’t want suck anymore. I want US more.

So mom, here’s to that day. That week. That month. That year. That start of forever.

Here’s to sharing more breakfasts, more luncheons, more dinners with you. Here’s to you preparing me OJs in a super ice cold glass like I’m not a f*cking forty year old :). Here’s to us having late night marathons of Grey’s Anatomy or even GOT! Here’s to never seeing sunsets with thoughts of someone leaving and the other setting another date in a couple months time.

Here’s to us. Here’s to love.

Loving you eternally,
Bien

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