I’ve never been expressive when it comes to showing affection towards my mama. As an only child, one would think I am, but no – I would usually say I love you only thru text messages, or scribbled letters on a hallmark card.
I love my mom – there’s no doubt about that. It’s always been just the two of us. My father left us when I was barely a year old and ever since then, we’ve only had each other’s shoulders to lean on to. If you’d ask my friends of what my relationship with my mama is – they would usually call me a “mama’s boy” – and I’m proud of that. 🙂 So what? Afterall – she’s all that I have.
For the longest time, she portrayed herself the superwoman -. Maybe just one of her coping mechanisms, for true enough – who would be strong for the two of us if not her? I remember in fifth grade – that was the first time she saw me sing on stage. No matter how she tried to hide it – I knew she was fighting off tears from falling (I would like to think that was out of pride – and not out of humiliation – haha!) But on a more serious note, I will never forget this one time when we tried to tie loose ends with my father and went to Iloilo to see him. I can still see vividly the hurt and the pain that she endured because of that – even up to this day -but all that she did just so at that time I stop asking questions about my father…
My mom isn’t very expressive either when it comes to telling me how much she values me. Like me, she would only soften and send me heartfelt messages thru text – (now I really have to thank text messaging) – She would tell me how proud she is of me, how grateful she is – for having me – despite the heartbreak she went along with it; how she trusts me with my own decisions and with how I live my life; and with how she desires that I’d be happy for as long as I live.
As I’m typing this, I can’t help but feel sorry for her during the times when I don’t think about her interests – when all her life she’s thinking ‘bout mine. May it be the path all mothers go thru – it’s just amazing – the selflessness, the love – it’s beyond comprehension. I’m sorry ma – I may not go back and erase the times I made you worry, the instances I betrayed the trust you so selflessly gave – – All I can assure you is that for as long as I breathe, I’ll forever be thankful that I’ve got you – and that amidst millions of possibilities and random circumstances – my love for you will always remain constant.