Forgiveness

My cousin has been into series marathons lately. Her last object of affection was Prison Break. And as I was posting Brothers and Sisters video clips from YouTube on my Facebook wall, she suddenly had this growing interest to watch the crazy Walker family (maybe because of Kevin’s comedic acts in the infamous Walkers’ – Jones’ Game Night). So she finished PB’s first season and shifted her attention to Brothers and Sisters.
I’ve watched the show for at least three times already and quite honestly, I don’t get tired of watching it. Maybe because it has a little of everything, comedy, drama and sometimes, a little suspense I guess – just a little ( I can pretty much count them by my own two hands).
So I joined her. Curled in our dilapidated sofa, I watched the first two episodes of the season.
As events unfolded before our very own eyes, I suddenly remembered there were three songs from the second episode that I had been long dying to download, only I can’t remember from where I heard the songs and what the exact lyrics and melody were…:) – especially that song with the line that says – “Forgiveness,..forgiveness…”
Now, I have it, and I can’t help but be relative to the lyrics of the song. It’s title is Heart of the Matter – sung by India Arie and has also been used as a soundtrack to Sex and the City. Lyrics goes:

I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear

But I knew that it would come

An old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone

She said you found someone

And I thought of all the bad luck,

And all the struggles we went through

How I lost me and you lost you

What are these voices outside love’s open door

Make us throw off our contentment

And beg for something more?

I’ve been learning to live without you now

But I miss you sometimes

The more I know, the less I understand

All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning them again

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter

But my will gets weak

And my thoughts seem to scatter

But I think it’s about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

These times are so uncertain

There’s a yearning undefined

And people filled with rage

We all need a little tenderness

How can love survive in such a graceless age

And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness

They’re the very things we kill, I guess

Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms

And the work they put between us,

You know it doesn’t keep us warm

I’ve been trying to live without you now

But I miss you, baby

The more I know, the less I understand

And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter

But my will gets weak

And my heart is so shattered

But I think it’s about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

All the people in your life who’ve come and gone

They let you down, you know they hurt your pride

Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on

You keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter

And my heart is so shattered

But I know it’s about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter

Because the flesh will get weak

And the ashes will scatter

So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if you don’t love me anymore

Even if you don’t love me anymore

Makes me think of a couple friends that I have who are presently recovering from their respective heartbreaks and a former colleague who’s lovelife is currently on the rocks…I sure miss those times when everything on a romantic relationship’s not going your way and things just seem too complicated to fix…
I guess I don’t always have the same 2 cents whenever a friend of mine would ask for relationship advice. Maybe personal experiences have got to do something about that. Right now, I say, If the problem’s worth the fix, then try, with all your might and power, to fix it. If love’s worth the fight, then make sure that you fight for it, every step of the way. There’s always a point where two people can meet, can compromise – to keep the relationship working. Afterall, couples are supposed to complement each others, are supposed to understand each other’s shortcomings and most of all, love each other past the differences.
But if wounds are just too much to have it opened every single time that you two have arguments, if misunderstanding goes beyond repair, if only only one of you does all the giving, if either one see no more the point of you two being together, if your partner’s perception of you changes for some unknown reason, if it basically doesn’t work anymore…I guess that’s the time to at least give it a rest. Loving someone is not all about feeling, it also with reason that you feel and you love…and it also with reason that you realize you need to let go and move on.
And the hardest part – – letting go.
But you know what, I think letting go of someone you love is one of those life experiences that defines our existence, that satisfies our humanity. With letting go goes with it a paradox of mixed feelings and emotions. When you finally decide to end a romantic relationship, you endure an unsurpassable amount of pain – at least for a few weeks (for some months, years), while at the same time, you feel liberated that a baggage you’ve been carrying for the longest time has been taken off your back. You also try to have positive hopes for the future, but at the back of your mind you ponder if you CAN in fact, get through the bitterness of the break up…You think about the turnout of events, making yourself believe that it’s for the better, but deep inside, you know she can only be the one who can make everything better for you…
You convince yourself everything’s gonna be alright…but you know, it’ll be a pain in the *ss.
Moving on? – I know it isn’t easy at all – but that is the only path you’ve got after everything. And as what the song said:

I’ve been trying to live without you now

But I miss you, baby

The more I know, the less I understand

And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter

But my will gets weak

And my heart is so shattered

But I think it’s about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

I guess what the song tells us is that maybe past relationships hurt us, past relationships may sometimes make us hold grudges for whatever reasons…but it’s only through forgiving and forgetting that we can truly let go of the pain and face life anew…
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